I'm still alive!

Dear readers,

yes, I'm still alive. Unfortunately there have been two issues that have prevented me from doing any schoolgirly activity lately. For one thing I had, and still have, a lot of stuff to do at work. Often I feel exhausted when I come home and just want to relax. The other thing is my switcher mentality. As I mentioned in earlier posts, I'm not just a sub but sometimes also a dom. And sometimes I'm neither and don't care about all that kinky stuff. :o)

Lately I just haven't been in sub-mode at all but I now feel that slowly changing again (yeah, this process sometimes take a while for me). I slowly begin to fantasize again about being a schoolgirl, having to do homework and so on. It may still take a while before I'm fully there but I have a feeling that you'll see more updates again in this blog by the end of May. I certainly hope so, too. Would be a shame if this blog dies.

While I was writing this, Señorita
Sanchez and I chatted on YM and
she said that I should have done the
laundry before going online.
She made me kneel while typing
the remaining blog entry.
Fortunately, the kneeling doesn't
ruin your day like writing lines does,
so I complied even though
I'm not in sub-mode yet.

At least I'm slowly beginning to wear my school uniform again from time to time. Strangely, I'm sometimes hesitant to put it on but when I finally wear it then it feels good. Today it was the same thing. I have a mostly relaxing Sunday in front of me (at least after I finished cleaning the apartment), and this morning I pondered whether to put on my school uniform, or just a t-shirt and pants. I mean, why put on the uniform when I'm just doing the laundry, watching DVDs, or reading a book? After what seemed like an eternity I finally opted for the uniform. And when I felt the stiff blouse collar, the restricting blazer and all the other things, I again wondered why I was so hesitant. It feels great, why don't I treat myself with it more often?

Warning, the following is more of a personal ramble.

The only reason I can think of is that I subconsciously fear to end up being alone for the rest of my life. I mean, how do I find a life partner that likes or at least tolerates these kinks? It seems that stuff like bondage has become sort of mainstream, but what about wearing a traditional school uniform and writing lines? How do I ever approach a woman about this? Even most people who are into teacher/student plays are probably more interested in corporal punishment rather than what I want from it.
It's just so strange and unusual, and there's a small urge inside me that I just want to put it all in a trunk and lock it away and not be bothered by it anymore. But it's a part of me that I can't deny. I was in a relationship before, we were together for several years. But it was (mostly) a very vanilla relationship. And while I was happy, I always felt that something was missing; that I had these deep desires in me that cannot be fulfilled in that relationship. (Just to be clear, the reason we broke up was unrelated to any sort of kinks) So I know that my next relationship needs to cater those needs. I know that this isn't the most important part of a relationship, it's about love and mutual trust. But I know that I have these kinks and that I can't lock them away. They are always coming back to haunt me, so to speak. And I would rather play these fantasies out with a partner than just having to fantasize about it, and hide it from her.

Oh well, I didn't want to make this a depressing blog entry. No need to waste more thought about this stuff for the moment as I don't think I'll be meeting a woman anytime soon. I'd rather be happy to get in contact with my like-minded blog readers. I'd be happy to read your ideas for school play or school punishments. Please leave them here.

You can also contact me on FetLife. My nickname there is "ThoCor" (just put that in the search box at the top right).

-Cornelia