...since my last update, dear readers.
Four months, to be precise. I haven't written anything since then so there isn't really anything new to report at the moment. I was just wondering if there's still people who follow this blog so that I know if it makes sense to post anything.
So if you're still following this blog, please leave a comment. Thank you.
(Edit: and it would be great if this comment wouldn't be anonymous)
-Cornelia
Sunday, 20 April 2014
Sunday, 15 December 2013
Looking back at 2013
Dear readers,
as the year draws to a close it's time to look back at 2013. For me it was a very ambivalent year. Especially during the summer months I wasn't feeling well at all when depression hit me hard. Fortunately it all went upwards from there.
I had a lot of time to think about it, and looking back part of the problem was that I felt like a loser for having my submissive fantasies. For wanting to be locked away in a cell or cage while the mistress enjoys her day. Or week? For wanting to write lines endlessly, being forced to wear my school uniform, being treated like a little girl, even being humiliated a bit, while the domme enjoys her freedom of being a "real" adult.
But then one day, back in August or September, it hit me: Why should I be ashamed of my fantasies? As a switcher, I also have dominant fantasies, and I'm not ashamed of them either. So why here? People - dom(me) and sub - play together, and as long as both take enjoyment from it, even though the way they enjoy it is very different, then nothing is wrong about it. It's like that Yin and Yang thingy. Both play partners need each other to fulfill their fantasy. They are equally important to making it happen even though the sub might appear to be of lesser value once the play starts.
I hope that anyone who has similar thoughts and fears as I had will come to the same conclusion one day and just enjoy their fantasies. I certainly did over the last few months. Finally.
Those who follow this blog regularly probably already noticed the sudden decrease in updates. The reason is simple. The trial run - writing for Miss Melanie whenever she wishes - has ended and I chose not to extend it.
It wasn't an easy decision.
Being at the whim of Miss Melanie was - initially - a great experience. I never liked asking for tasks. Having them set out of the blue really enforced the power difference. I never knew when she would set a task and what task it would be. She'd just pop up in the messenger and told me to write a certain line, and how often she wanted it. Usually with a big grin. I must say that chatting with Miss Melanie was the part that I liked most. Even though we were just writing, the way she wrote made me feel her dominance with every letter. I swooned every time she wished me a fun evening after setting me a task. And I knew that she would be the one who'd have a fun evening. Or weekend. In Paris. Damn, that task was memorable!
However, all this also had a downside. As much as I enjoyed not knowing when a task will be set, I also loathed it. I hated the waiting. Will she come online? Will I have a free evening? Should I start reading this book or watching this TV show when she could interrupt it any minute? I'm really not good at waiting. In the end it meant that on many evenings I ended up doing ... well, "nothing", except browsing the internet, daydreaming, looking at the screen every few minutes in anticipation of a new task. That wasn't fun. I mean, writing lines also isn't fun, but the waiting really was no fun.
Another reason was that during the time of the trial run I became friends and eventually play partners with Fräulein S. - and since she's also a switcher this made things a bit difficult at times. You see, I only like to set tasks when I know that I can enjoy my evening. But never knowing if Miss Melanie would give me an assignment meant that I never knew when I could top Fräulein S.
So, unfortunately I had to cancel our agreement and not extend the trial run ended a few weeks ago. Still, it was a great experience overall.
Would I do it again? Perhaps. The uncertainty of never knowing when a task will be set would need to be a bit minimized though. Maybe having tasks set at regular intervals or on certain days of the week would do the trick.
By the way, during the two months of the trial run I wrote 4375 lines on 162 pages, and 3 pages of squares.
So what's up for 2014? I don't know yet. Maybe I should try doing regular homework assignments, as one of my FetLife friends, Jane, does. I'm not sure if I'd like it (because, come on, nobody liked to do homework back in school, right?), especially because unlike writing lines you can't switch to auto pilot. But it would certainly be an interesting experience. The same goes for writing essays. I always liked to try that.
One thing is for certain: the school uniform stays. I love my maroon school uniform - even though the green gymslip that adult-size-school-uniform.com is selling now is really tempting!
I guess this initial aspect of my blog was repressed a bit lately with all the posts about writing lines. Then again, how much can you write about school uniforms? I'm open for suggestions though.
-Cornelia
as the year draws to a close it's time to look back at 2013. For me it was a very ambivalent year. Especially during the summer months I wasn't feeling well at all when depression hit me hard. Fortunately it all went upwards from there.
I had a lot of time to think about it, and looking back part of the problem was that I felt like a loser for having my submissive fantasies. For wanting to be locked away in a cell or cage while the mistress enjoys her day. Or week? For wanting to write lines endlessly, being forced to wear my school uniform, being treated like a little girl, even being humiliated a bit, while the domme enjoys her freedom of being a "real" adult.
But then one day, back in August or September, it hit me: Why should I be ashamed of my fantasies? As a switcher, I also have dominant fantasies, and I'm not ashamed of them either. So why here? People - dom(me) and sub - play together, and as long as both take enjoyment from it, even though the way they enjoy it is very different, then nothing is wrong about it. It's like that Yin and Yang thingy. Both play partners need each other to fulfill their fantasy. They are equally important to making it happen even though the sub might appear to be of lesser value once the play starts.
I hope that anyone who has similar thoughts and fears as I had will come to the same conclusion one day and just enjoy their fantasies. I certainly did over the last few months. Finally.
Those who follow this blog regularly probably already noticed the sudden decrease in updates. The reason is simple. The trial run - writing for Miss Melanie whenever she wishes - has ended and I chose not to extend it.
It wasn't an easy decision.
Being at the whim of Miss Melanie was - initially - a great experience. I never liked asking for tasks. Having them set out of the blue really enforced the power difference. I never knew when she would set a task and what task it would be. She'd just pop up in the messenger and told me to write a certain line, and how often she wanted it. Usually with a big grin. I must say that chatting with Miss Melanie was the part that I liked most. Even though we were just writing, the way she wrote made me feel her dominance with every letter. I swooned every time she wished me a fun evening after setting me a task. And I knew that she would be the one who'd have a fun evening. Or weekend. In Paris. Damn, that task was memorable!
However, all this also had a downside. As much as I enjoyed not knowing when a task will be set, I also loathed it. I hated the waiting. Will she come online? Will I have a free evening? Should I start reading this book or watching this TV show when she could interrupt it any minute? I'm really not good at waiting. In the end it meant that on many evenings I ended up doing ... well, "nothing", except browsing the internet, daydreaming, looking at the screen every few minutes in anticipation of a new task. That wasn't fun. I mean, writing lines also isn't fun, but the waiting really was no fun.
Another reason was that during the time of the trial run I became friends and eventually play partners with Fräulein S. - and since she's also a switcher this made things a bit difficult at times. You see, I only like to set tasks when I know that I can enjoy my evening. But never knowing if Miss Melanie would give me an assignment meant that I never knew when I could top Fräulein S.
So, unfortunately I had to cancel our agreement and not extend the trial run ended a few weeks ago. Still, it was a great experience overall.
Would I do it again? Perhaps. The uncertainty of never knowing when a task will be set would need to be a bit minimized though. Maybe having tasks set at regular intervals or on certain days of the week would do the trick.
By the way, during the two months of the trial run I wrote 4375 lines on 162 pages, and 3 pages of squares.
So what's up for 2014? I don't know yet. Maybe I should try doing regular homework assignments, as one of my FetLife friends, Jane, does. I'm not sure if I'd like it (because, come on, nobody liked to do homework back in school, right?), especially because unlike writing lines you can't switch to auto pilot. But it would certainly be an interesting experience. The same goes for writing essays. I always liked to try that.
One thing is for certain: the school uniform stays. I love my maroon school uniform - even though the green gymslip that adult-size-school-uniform.com is selling now is really tempting!
I guess this initial aspect of my blog was repressed a bit lately with all the posts about writing lines. Then again, how much can you write about school uniforms? I'm open for suggestions though.
-Cornelia
Sunday, 27 October 2013
My tasks from the last two weeks
Dear readers,
here are my tasks for Miss Melanie that I wrote in the last two weeks.
17th October
200 times "Meine Freizeit ist heute gestrichen, weil Miss Melanie es so wünscht." ("My free time today is cancelled because Miss Melanie wishes it.")
20th October
250 times "Es ist besonders schön, wenn ich überraschend Zeilen für Miss Melanie schreiben darf." ("It is especially nice when I'm allowed to write lines for Miss Melanie unexpectedly.")
23rd October
250 times "Bei dem schönen Wetter macht es viel mehr Spaß, für Miss Melanie schreiben zu dürfen". ("During such nice weather it is much more fun being allowed to write lines for Miss Melanie")
25th October
150 times "Ich werde mir Gedanken dazu machen, ob und wie ich meine Freizeit in die Hände von Miss Melanie legen kann." ("I will think about if and how I will put my spare time in Miss Melanie's hands")
Just a little explanation: there is something (positive!) going on in my private life that makes it a bit harder to sustain the deal with Miss Melanie in its current form. I'll keep you updated once a decision has been made.
27th October
350 times "Meine Freizeit kann von Miss Melanie zu jederzeit beendet werden" ("My free time can be cancelled by Miss Melanie at any time")
On a sidenote, a few days ago Miss Melanie introduced the rule that I now have to thank her every time after receiving an assignment. At first I thought it is silly to thank the Domme considering that the sub has to do all the work. ;-)
But the more I thought about it, the more I liked it. It puts me into subspace and it reaffirms the D/s power levels with just a simple word (or a few words). I'm really enjoying this now, and I also had the chance to test out how it is to being thanked by someone who had to write an essay for me. It's a real kicker, believe me.
So thank you again, Miss Melanie, for being allowed to write for you. :-)
-Cornelia
here are my tasks for Miss Melanie that I wrote in the last two weeks.
17th October
200 times "Meine Freizeit ist heute gestrichen, weil Miss Melanie es so wünscht." ("My free time today is cancelled because Miss Melanie wishes it.")
20th October
250 times "Es ist besonders schön, wenn ich überraschend Zeilen für Miss Melanie schreiben darf." ("It is especially nice when I'm allowed to write lines for Miss Melanie unexpectedly.")
23rd October
250 times "Bei dem schönen Wetter macht es viel mehr Spaß, für Miss Melanie schreiben zu dürfen". ("During such nice weather it is much more fun being allowed to write lines for Miss Melanie")
25th October
150 times "Ich werde mir Gedanken dazu machen, ob und wie ich meine Freizeit in die Hände von Miss Melanie legen kann." ("I will think about if and how I will put my spare time in Miss Melanie's hands")
Just a little explanation: there is something (positive!) going on in my private life that makes it a bit harder to sustain the deal with Miss Melanie in its current form. I'll keep you updated once a decision has been made.
27th October
350 times "Meine Freizeit kann von Miss Melanie zu jederzeit beendet werden" ("My free time can be cancelled by Miss Melanie at any time")
On a sidenote, a few days ago Miss Melanie introduced the rule that I now have to thank her every time after receiving an assignment. At first I thought it is silly to thank the Domme considering that the sub has to do all the work. ;-)
But the more I thought about it, the more I liked it. It puts me into subspace and it reaffirms the D/s power levels with just a simple word (or a few words). I'm really enjoying this now, and I also had the chance to test out how it is to being thanked by someone who had to write an essay for me. It's a real kicker, believe me.
So thank you again, Miss Melanie, for being allowed to write for you. :-)
-Cornelia
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